WeWriWa November 2 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday

Excerpt from “Into The Night”.

“Dude,” I say, barely awake and far too cranky, “I’m exhausted, please just go to the gym by yourself.”

“Why are you so exhausted?” he asks.

“I’ve been up for the past twenty-four hours doing this goddamn project and studying for that test I just took, and all I want to do right now is go up to our dorm and nap!”

“Calm down,” he says, and all I want to do right then is punch him square in the jaw.

“Just come to the gym with me,” he continues his begging, “we’ll get our swolle time in, you’ll shower, we’ll eat, and then you’ll have the greatest nap you’ve ever had… whaddya say?”

I roll my eyes and look over at the elevators, where an athletic, ponytailed, blonde haired girl in a sports bra and yoga pants is waiting for one to arrive. She looks over at me with her brown eyes and gives me a shy smile.

“Fine,” I say, “let’s go to the gym.”



6 thoughts on “WeWriWa November 2 2014

  1. LOL! These two are a hoot. You seem to know them pretty well which always helps characters come alive. One suggestion: You could drop “he continues his begging” because that’s obvious from his dialog. I think the dialog flows better without it, too. Curious what will happen at the gym!


  2. Very natural dialogue–nicely done. And it was humorous…how he changed his mind when the blonde showed up. 🙂

    Sorry I didn’t get to your wewriwa link last week. Welcome–and hope to see you sign up again.

    I just bought and read “Alternate”. I am blown away by how good it was! Left a review on Amazon. I’ll catch goodreads (if you’re on there) when I get home from work later. 🙂


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